No more shall tyrants here

47 sentences from 45 Wikipedia entries, arranged to my fancy

The following sentences come from 45 different Wikipedia pages. I have removed proper nouns and occasionally made minor alterations for clarity, but none that change the meaning of the original sentence. Otherwise, all the text is verbatim.

Photograph by John Wood, January 7, 1959. Via the Library of Congress.

He was of frail health, thin and prone to diarrhea. Throughout his life, he felt inadequate and socially awkward because of his depression, and was constantly bothered by his physical appearance. He looked precisely as though he had been weaned on a pickle. His initials were on his cufflinks, ashtrays, and clothes.

His exact birthplace is unclear. The separation and divorce of his parents was sparked when, a few days after his birth, his father took a butcher knife, and threatened to kill his wife, infant son, and the nursemaid.

His early education included incidents of truancy, a dislike for his master, and a desire to become a farmer, but his father commanded that he remain in school. He was in the chorus and played the tenor saxophone, winning first chair in the state band’s saxophone section. He took blue mass pills, which contained mercury, to treat melancholy or hypochondriasis.

At the age of 18, he married the 16-year-old daughter of a local shoemaker. His wife was somewhat gaunt, and constantly ill from tuberculosis and psychological ailments. Eventually, his family decided that he would live in quiet semi-isolation with his wife.

In college, he played for the basketball team; he also tried out for football, and though he lacked the size to play, he remained on the team as a substitute and was noted for his enthusiasm. Like his father, he was a member of the cheerleading squad and was initiated into a secret society.

He was by nature honest, trusting, gullible, and loyal to his friends. He ran a successful horse-breeding enterprise that won him acclaim. A cowboy, he said, possesses “few of the emasculated, milk-and-water moralities admired by the pseudo-philanthropists; but he does possess, to a very high degree, the stern, manly qualities that are invaluable to a nation.” As his professional career progressed, so too did his social life blossom. As he gained renown, he earned monikers like “Little Magician” and “Sly Fox.”

He filed a report with both the International UFO Bureau and the National Investigations Committee on Arial Phenomena saying that he saw an unidentified flying object. During this period, he began to be interested in politics.

While he did not overtly seek the presidency, he assented to the movement on his behalf. He declared victory before the results were known on the morning after the election. He directed that the corruption in the Post Office be rooted out “to the bone,” regardless of where it might lead. He began preparations for a potential war.

He commenced an affair with his wife’s social secretary, soon after she was hired. The public was tantalized by salacious details such as the claim that the two had sex in a closet near the Oval Office, with Secret Service agents posted to ward off intruders.

Evidence eventually emerged that he amassed considerable wealth, some of it during his presidency. He ate 12 ounce steaks for breakfast while in office. Other activities include cigar smoking and golf. He suffered from episodes of mental exhaustion and illness with associated nervousness, which often caused short-term incapacity after periods of stress. Historians usually rank him among the worst presidents in American history, as well as among the least memorable. A newspaper called the conclusion of his presidency a “tragedy.”

He left office and returned to his home. In retirement, he was troubled by the disparity between the rich and the poor. During this time, he assumed a lifestyle of simplicity, taking residence in a plain boarding house. He denounced modern art as “a piece of canvas that looks like a broken-down Tin Lizzie, loaded with paint, has been driven over it.”

He often found his mail opened by postmen so he invented his own enciphering device, the “Wheel Cipher.” Contrary to common lore, these were not made of wood, but of metal, ivory, bone, animal teeth, and human teeth possibly obtained from slaves.

He was also a member of the “Choom Gang,” a self-named group of friends who spent time together and smoked marijuana. Their most notorious stunt was exploding a toilet seat with a firecracker.

He began working on an autobiography, but died before it could be completed. He also helped increase copper production in Kyshtym, Russia, through the use of pyritic smelting.

Beginning in 2025, he appeared to fall asleep during multiple meetings, raising concerns over his stamina. He suffered a serious stroke, leaving him paralyzed on his left side, and with only partial vision in the right eye. He was treated with steam vapor inhalation and oxygen, but his condition worsened. His last words were, “I have tried so hard to do right.”